Let me introduce you about Burmese Traditional fish soup. First, boil the fish,
5 lb Cat fish, with one bundle of lemon grass, ten medium slices of ginger and one and half teaspoon of turmeric powder in water for about fifteen minutes. Put water just cover the fish. Then take the cooked fish fillet. Fry the fillet with three teaspoons of chilli powder in half cup
(one cup= 240 ml) of vegetable oil. Then put the fried fillet in three gallons of water and boil together with one fourth of fish sauce bottle, one teaspoon of pepper powder and a little salt. Boil until the fillet is dissolved with medium heat. Finally, put two cups (one cup=240 ml) of the cooked rice powder dissolved in one and half cup of water and boil again. Now, you can take the delicious fish soup with rice noodle. Fish soup is very healthy food. It is Burmese traditional food and almost every Burmese people love it. Now you can try it.
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CONTENT
ReplyDeleteIn the recipe genre, the ingredients are usually listed separately. You should usually fulfill the reader’s expectations so that it is easier for the reader to understand what you wrote. (NOTE: You do not always need to fulfill the reader’s expectations, but you should always know what they are in the genre that you are writing in, and you should only fail to fulfill these expectations if you have a good reason for doing so.)
Why did you hit return after “fish” and after “cup”? Normally, you do not hit return until the end of a paragraph, section, or heading.
Do not make the reader do work that you (the writer) should do. For example, do not write, “Fry the fillet with three teaspoons of chilli powder in half cup (one cup= 240 ml) of vegetable oil.” Instead, write, “Fry the fillet in a mixture of three teaspoons of chili powder and a half cup (120 ml) of vegetable oil.” In the real world, most readers will not usually work hard to understand what you wrote, and most readers will not usually do the work that you should have done. In the real world, readers usually don’t read things if the writer hasn’t done their part.
Use the spell check: chilli.
COHESIVENESS
There should be some reason for the order. In a recipe, the order is usually chronological, and the steps in a recipe are often numbered to both emphasize and simplify this fact; this makes it easier for the reader to follow. This is probably how you should begin your recipe:
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FISH SOUP
Ingredients:
5 lb of filleted catfish
One bundle of lemon grass
Ten medium slices of ginger
A half-teaspoon of turmeric powder
Three teaspoons of chili powder
A half-cup (120 ml) of vegetable oil
X ounce(s) of fish sauce
One teaspoon of pepper powder
Salt (to taste)
Two cups (480 ml) of cooked rice powder
Let me tell you how to make a traditional Burmese fish soup. First, put enough water in a large pot to just cover the fish. Then, remove the fish, and add one bundle of lemon grass, ten medium slices of ginger, and a half-teaspoon of turmeric powder to the water, and mix well. After that, boil the fish in the water and seasonings for 15 minutes. Second, remove the fish from the water, and remove as much water from outside of the fish as possible. Next, pour the half-cup (120 ml) of vegetable oil into a frying pan, and add the three teaspoons of chili powder. Mix them together well, and then heat until the oil just starts to smoke. After that, put the catfish in the oil, and fry it until it’s golden brown. ….
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Imagine that you do not know how to cook this. Which version of the recipe is easier to follow — yours or mine? Why? (HINT: An example of a genre is usually easier to understand if it has the properties of that genre ((i.e., writing is usually easier to follow if it matches the reader’s expectations)) — e.g., ingredients, clear steps in chronological order, “adverbial clauses/phrases” ((e.g., “for 15 minutes,” “to just cover the fish,” “until the oil just starts to smoke.”)).) Find the specific elements in yours or mine that make it easier for the reader to follow. “Cohesiveness” is a clear connection between the parts and the whole. Is it easier to understand how the parts in your writing are connected to the whole, or is it easier in mine? Why?
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
> “Burmese Traditional fish soup”<
“7) Wrong Order of Adjectives”
http://ezinearticles.com/?Common-ESL-Errors&id=1809651
“Placement Order of Modifiers”
http://eslfeedback.blogspot.com/2004/12/placement-order-of-modifiers.html
> “Boil until the fillet is dissolved with medium heat.” <
Fish (unlike, say, salt, sugar, or rice powder) does not dissolve in water. The “with” is not horrible, but “over is probably a better word choice. Also, the order of the “parts” in your sentence is odd. This is how I would probably write it: Boil over medium heat until the fillet breaks up into pieces.
> “one fourth of fish sauce bottle” <
Unless all fish sauce comes in the same size bottle, you need to say how many ounces to add.
> “cooked rice powder” <
Can I buy cooked rice powder, or do I buy rice powder and cook it? If the latter, how do I cook the rice powder? I have never bought rice powder. Does it come in a bag, a box, or a can?
> “Now, you can take the delicious fish soup with rice noodle. Fish soup is very healthy food. It is Burmese traditional food and almost every Burmese people love it.” <
The parts that are in parentheses — (word) — need to be corrected:
Now, you can (take) (< WRONG WORD) the delicious fish soup with rice noodle (IS "noodle" COUNT OR NONCOUNT?). Fish soup is ( ___ ) (< MISSING WORD) very healthy food. It is ( ___ ) (< MISSING WORD) traditional Burmese food and almost (every) Burmese (people) (love) it (< MAKE “every,” “people,” and “love” agree in terms of number — i.e., singular VS. plural).
Fish soup...I like it ..!!
ReplyDeleteIt's easy.
ReplyDeleteI think I can make myself.
I think it's a wonderful soup, I can't wait to make it for my husband.
ReplyDeleteI want to cook it for dinner. Thank you for telling me a healthy recipe.
ReplyDeleteCONTENT
ReplyDeleteI think that you wrote your recipe without proper structure, it's difficult to understand.
COHESIVENESS
Maybe in the future you can separate the ingredients and the procedure.
GRAMMAR
Let me introduce to Traditional Burnese instead of Burnese Traditional.
The way you wrote the numbers, it isn't uniform.