Once upon a time, there was a boy, Lay Lay, lived with his mother in the rural area. There were many peanut fields in that area. After peanut crop was gathered, they were dried under the sun. The boy always passed through those peanut fields. And he used to take a grasp of peanut and ate it. He grew up to 20's with this habbit. One day, the king was walking around and hunting in that area. Some soldiers were preparing food for the king. They put many dishes on the table and were busy with preparing another dishes. At that time, Lay Lay was walking through the preparing food area. He grasped one food. One soldier saw and arrested him. His mother came and saw him. When he saw his mother, he said, "Mom, please come to my side." When she was at his side, he bit his mother's ear and said, "Why you did not teach me don't take other people' stuff. Now I was arrested because of that bad habbit." His mother was so sorry for her son.
From this story, parent should teach their children what should do and what should not do.
It is a good example for us.
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CONTENT:-
ReplyDelete- your story is simple and nice. and it has a good thesis statement.
COHESIVENESS:-
- it's easy to following, but i think you need to add more details. and erase some details like this "His mother came and saw him. When he saw his mother".
- your conclusion is very simple and i think it not related to your body, because it talks about parents and you didn't mention this before.
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY:-
- "One soldier saw and arrested him." it looks better if it would be "One soldier saw him and he was arrested."
Content: Your story has a good beginning and ending. You gave us a good idea of the situation, but maybe not enough details.
ReplyDeleteCohesiveness: I think that the main idea of your story is easy to follow.
Grammar & Vocabulary: Most of your spelling is good, but I found it is helpful to use the spell check ))):)
CONTENT
ReplyDeleteIt's clear and has good structure.
COHESIVENESS
You tell the reader your story in only one paragraph. I think is good, because I used my imagination.
GRAMMAR
You should change some words and reform some of your sentences, like the last one... what they should do and what they should not.